Cogito Ergo Sum
by Biruri
Summary: He's done horrible things, and he'll never be able to atone for his sins...but he can try, right? -Drabble #3-
1. Weakness

**W E A K N E S S**

* * *

_  
Ten seconds_

Tears well in his eyes, unbidden

Hands trembling, it hurts him, but he picks up the gun

_---_

_Nine seconds_

The Composer watches clinically, waiting

His gun hangs limply at his side

_---_

_Eight seconds_

Arms shaking, he forces himself to raise the firearm

His gaze hardens as he stares his killer down

_---_

_Seven seconds_

Anger flares in his heart, betrayal fanning the flames

His resolve steels

_---_

_Six seconds_

He aims for his partner's heart

It's nothing compared to what he's been through

_---_

_Five seconds_

Joshua finally raises his gun, fingering the trigger

He swallows thickly

_---_

_Four seconds_

Courage failing, his arms fall back to his side

Liquid crystals streak across his face as he waits

_---_

_Three seconds_

Images of the last three weeks plague his mind

He'd thought he'd found a friend

_---_

_Two seconds_

Trust your partner

A strangled sob escapes his throat at the thought

_---_

_One second_

He can never forgive, but the least he can do is trust

He clenches his eyes shut, accepting the inevitable

_---_

_Time's up_

The shot resounds loudly, the stench of death and gunpowder looming in the air

He gasps

_---_

_Pain_

His every sense explodes, but he cannot register it

Staggering, his vision blurs, and he collapses

His gun clatters to the ground beside him

Blood pools beneath him, staining the unforgiving cement red

Darkness swallows him

"Looks like I win, eh, Neku?"

And his best friend smiles and laughs

* * *

_  
I really love this scene, but it's probably been rewritten a few times, so I decided to do it a bit differently and tried my hand at the syle of lines and stanzas. I know it's not the best poetry ever written, but I don't think it's too bad either; of course, that's just me. What do you guys think?_

_And yes, I do take requests; that's my whole reason for posting this, actually. I want it to be part of a full series of drabbles, but I don't have any other ideas, so I figure I'll just leave what I write up to you guys. Ja ne._


	2. Assassination

**A S S A S S I N A T I O N  
**

* * *

"You can't kill me, Sho," Joshua taunted, giggling; Minamimoto spun around, snarling at the young Composer, his canines flashing threateningly. Brushing his bangs back absentmindedly, the teen tilted his head slightly, smirking, "You're _powerless_ in the RG; me, on the other hand…"

His hands began to glow, a wispy smoke curling around his fists as they ignited, and small white flames danced across his fingertips; feet beginning to lift off of the asphalt, he hovered above the ground, levitating – smirk widening in derision, he boasted, "I still have some of my powers."

Bristling, the Reaper's lips curled into a sneer, fangs bared; an animalistic growl rumbled in his chest, golden irises narrowing to slits, and he raised his gun. The younger only laughed, calmly raising an eyebrow, "Are you sure you want to do that?"

He was smiling, but his eyes betrayed him, violet darkening and flashing dangerously; faltering, the mathematician gritted his teeth, glaring as he weighed the pros and cons of shooting. Purple steeled, clashing with yellow, daring him; after a long moment, the Game Master reluctantly lowered his aim, swearing loudly as he turned on his heels and ran, "Come and get me, radian! That is…if you can keep up?"

Despite his cowardice, Minamimoto had the gall to cackle as he fled, and Joshua chuckled as he landed once more, amused, "My, my, so we're playing tag now, are we? I didn't peg you as the type, Sho."

Closing his eyes, he stuffed his hands into his pockets nonchalantly, just standing there, waiting; silently counting to ten, he grinned when time ran out, and drawing a hand, a pistol materialized in his grasp. Cocking the gun casually, he proceeded to pursue the runaway, humming as he sprinted after the traitor, "Run, run, as fast as you can…~"

They darted through busy streets, pushing their way through crowds and hordes, but neither seemed to be able to get a head on the other; over all of the noise, the ashen-haired boy could swear he heard a jeering "Zetta slow!" and he picked up his pace, following the sound of the mocking voice. Like a bloodhound, he managed to pick it out from amongst all the rest, and racing after his prey, his grip on the firearm tightened.

The throng of people slowly began to diminish, thinning considerably as the ruler chased the Benedict Arnold into an old, seemingly abandoned district; it was practically a ghost town, as empty as it was, but that only made his job all the easier. Seeing a flash of black at the corner, he sped up, turning sharply and rushing onto the scene. His subordinate had stopped running, standing his ground firmly at the end of the street; in-between the two of them, however, stood a confounded fifteen year old, his hand resting on a fading mural, fingers just barely grazing the cold bricks of a crumbling wall. His gaze was fixed upon the other adolescent, deep blue flickering curiously, but curiosity quickly turned to horror as a gun was raised; he staggered back as a shot was fired, falling to the ground, but Joshua paid him no heed, more so focused on Minamimoto.

The Reaper was hunched over, breathing raggedly; a hand was clasped over his shoulder, blood trickling down his arm, but he still smirked, despite the pain, goading, "So zetta slow!"

Snorting, his superior resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead taking another step forward; the boy was back on his feet, he noted with faint interest as he moved. There was something about him…the train of thought was lost as two rounds were fired, and the strange redhead dropped back to the ground once again, the bullets just narrowly missing his head; carelessly, the Composer waved a hand, and the pellets stopped mid-air, only inches away from hitting him. Laughing at the pathetic attempt, he sidestepped them, and the shells clattered to the ground uselessly as he approached the elder; the Game Master swallowed thickly, groaning, "I blew it…"

The younger raised his gun; without another thought, Minamimoto turned and bolted, but Joshua didn't bother following after him this time – he didn't shoot, either. With a 'hmph', he lowered the weapon.

"Let's hope you make the next Game more interesting than the last, Sho!" he called after the retreating form, mock-sighing, "It'd be a shame to have to replace you!"

_An eye for an eye, _he mused, shaking his head; a bright orange blazed in the corner of his eyes, catching his attention, and turning to face the stranger, he couldn't help but smirk. Still sprawled across the ground, the teenager was staring up at him blankly, aghast, sapphire eyes widened to their fullest extent; his expression was one of pure shock, mingled with a dash of fear, but that wasn't what caught his attention. Despite the overwhelming emotions, his Soul was still shining fiercely, and that was what surprised the other; true, it was dimmed by a vast negativity, but even then, it still radiated a pureness he hadn't seen in a long time. It reeked of untapped potential, and his levels of Imagination were far higher than any other mortal he'd encountered; a metaphorical light bulb flashed atop his head.

Shifting his aim to the redhead, Joshua smiled as he pulled the trigger.

* * *

_One of the ideas submitted to me was focusing on Joshua's thoughts while he was shooting Neku; well, I didn't really do that, but this is close enough. Of course, this is only part one, so...maybe part two will be more relevant to the request. XD_

_And to all three reviewers, thanks! _


	3. Selfless

**S E L F L E S S  
**

* * *

_The fifteen year old flew back on impact, skidding across the pavement several feet before he stilled, and his arms fell to his side limply, legs collapsing in on themselves and hitting the ground with a dull thump. A soft gasp was the only sound the boy made as he died, and blue eyes fluttered shut; Joshua made a discontented sound in the back of his throat as he approached the corpse, gun dematerializing in his grasp._

_"I was expecting something a bit more dramatic, dear...a scream, perhaps," he mused aloud, shaking his head as he said to no one in particular, "But beggars can't be choosers, I suppose."_

_Crouching down beside the fallen, the ashen-haired teen studied the younger with a sickening calm, his manner entirely too casual for the situation at hand; brushing back silver locks absentmindedly, he addressed the dead body with a crooked smirk, "You're a scrawny little thing, aren't you? Not too fashionable, either."_

_Predictably, there was no response, but his victim's head lolled to the side, as if the redhead was turning away from him; tongue clicking disapprovingly, the elder grasped his chin roughly, forcing the other's head back, "Now, now, dear, it's rude to ignore a person when they're talking to you."_

_Tilting the stranger's head back so that it faced the sky, Joshua leaned forward, inching closer to the body; placing both hands on either temple, the Composer knocked foreheads with his proxy gently, breathing softly, "Open your mind."_

_Eyes drifting shut, he focused all of his power into his hands, and his fingertips glew white; in an instant, all of the emotion, thought, and memory flooded into his mind, the teen's whole essence barraging his senses. Image upon image flashed in front of his eyes before a sort of shock ran through his system, electricity crackling and popping in his ears, and the metaphorical bridge connecting the two of them crumbled beneath his feet; violet eyes snapped open. Drawing his hands back hastily, he examined his charred fingers with dazed amazement and giggled, "You're real stubborn, aren't you, dear?"_

_Dusting his pants' knees off as he stood, Joshua glanced down at his substitute, scrutinizing; after a moment, a wide grin spread across his lips and he nodded, "Yes, you'll do quite well, I should think."_

_Clenching his fist, he let a jolt of his psychic abilities flare in his hand, and a small pin materialized in his grasp, bearing the Player symbol; chuckling, he tossed the pin to the redhead, and it landed on his chest, nestled safely in the folds of his jacket. Turning on his heels, the older of the two flicked his bangs back in a haughty gesture and called over his shoulder as he walked away, "You'll thank me for this later."_

_Body going translucent, he paused and smirked as he began to fade away, purposefully purring, "Neku."_

_And with that, a wispy smoke furled around his body, and the god vanished altogether. Sapphire eyes snapped open._

* * *

"Everything I've done, I've done for you."

_That voice-!_

Disbelieving, Neku spun around, eyes searching wildly; leaning against the Hachiko statue, Joshua was watching him sulkily, arms folded across his chest. His face was blank, devoid of all emotion, and it was almost unnerving, the way he stared. Staggering in surprise, the redhead fought back a stammer, growling, "w-What the hell are you doing here, Josh?!"

"You invited me, remember?" the Composer retorted, dismissing the question with a nonchalant wave of the hand, and glowering, he muttered, "I move the stars for no one, Neku."

"What-?" Neku balked before shaking it off, demanding angrily, "Stop talking in riddles and just tell me why the hell you're here, Josh! You didn't come before, so-"

"Relax," the elder cut in neutrally, tone still flat, "I was-"

"The hell I will!" the younger snarled, raising a fist threateningly; purple irises narrowed to slits, "Tell me what you're doing here now, Josh, or I'll-!"

"_Relax_," Joshua repeated firmly, eyes flashing dangerously, and something in his voice just made Neku _stop_, "I'm not here to pick a fight with you."

There was a long, pregnant pause in which the two just stared at each other, _searching_ before the silence was finally broken by a wary, "Why _are_ you here, then?"

"I just want to talk," was the terse admission, and his proxy scoffed, "to clear up some misunderstandings."

"Alright then," the fifteen year old said, and crossing his arms, scowled and tapped his foot impatiently, "Talk."

"You still think I'm the bad guy."

It wasn't a question. Neku deadpanned, "Because you are."

"No," the ashen-haired teen corrected matter-of-factly, denying, "You're wrong."

"You _shot_ me," the other hissed, tensing, "_Twice_."

"Because I needed you," Joshua argued, pushing himself off of the statue, and suddenly, he was the same as before, flashing that infuriating smile and giggling obnoxiously, "and you needed me; still do, by the look of things."

"Don't give yourself so much credit!" the redhead snapped, face flushing in anger, "I don't _need_ anybody!"

"Oh, but I think you do," he smirked and approached with a cat-like grace, eyes glinting predatorily, "How are those friends of yours doing now, Neku?"

"They're...fine," Neku growled, though his eyes widened slightly in surprise, as if to say: _You were actually listening?_ The other's grin widened and he laughed, brushing back his bangs in that mockingly familiar gesture,

"Of course I was listening, Neku," the Composer clicked his tongue disapprovingly, waggling a finger, "but obviously _you _were not."

The younger backed up a bit, uncomfortable with his close proximity, and muttered, "How do you figure?"

"Neku, Neku, Neku," Joshua sighed, shaking his head with a knowing smile, "You've learned so much, and yet you've learned nothing at all. Must you always be so contradictory?"

"I don't know what-"

"Don't undermine those friendships, Neku," the elder warned, slowly backing him into a corner as he reprimanded, "You were alone before all of this began; don't walk away from my Games having gained nothing. That would defeat the whole purpose of even having played!"

"Purpose?!" Neku barked, "The only purpose the Reaper Games served was for your entertainment! You're a sick bastard!"

"And yet you just can't get enough of me," the teen mused, smiling wryly, "It's funny how things work, isn't it, Neku? I've killed you twice, but you still consider me your best friend; your naivety would almost be endearing if it weren't so genuine."

"You're delusional!"

"And your actions are questionable at best."

The two stared each other down, glaring before Joshua finally broke the silence with a chuckle, "You're so cute, dear."

"c-Cute?!" the fifteen year old demanded, affronted, "I am _not_ cute!"

"You are, though!" he insisted, grinning ear from ear, "It's adorable how you actually think you can hide your emotions from me. I can read your mind, remember?"

He tapped a temple lightly to emphasize his point; Neku bristled and spat, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't probe my brain, thank you very much."

The ashen-haired boy threw his head back with a laugh; his companion startled, eyeing him as if he was crazy.

"I couldn't help it even if I wanted to," the Composer informed him cheerfully, "We're too closely connected for that, sorry."

"What does that even mean?" the redhead grumbled, eyebrows raised, "'We're too closely connected'?"

"It's not rocket science, dear," Joshua giggled girlishly, "It's exactly what it sounds like. Because you're my proxy, we have a special connection that any other pair of partners would lack; because our Souls are so closely linked together, we can communicate on a much deeper level, and as such, we intuitively _understand_ each other."

"I'm not following," Neku denied flatly, "and I doubt I'll _ever _understand why you did what you did, Josh."

"Listen to reason, Neku. We both did what we had to do, and in the end, we both came out on top, didn't we? I'll admit, at first, I was only in it for myself; I needed to save Shibuya, no matter what the cost. But then I realized something: You were just as alone as I was, Neku. You had no friends, no family...you had nothing, and that's why I chose you. You didn't appreciate your life, Neku...it's why the Game even exists, to show people their wrongdoings and to give them a second chance."

Sharp blue eyes softened, fury fading away, "Josh..."

"I didn't get a second chance, Neku," the god breathed, and suddenly, he seemed so much younger, like a lost child, "I've done horrible things, and I'll never be able to atone for my sins, but...I can try, right? Why not spend my time in purgatory doing something worthwhile?"

He grinned again, though it looked painful, "Appreciate anything and everything, Neku, even the simplest of things."

Turning on his heels, Joshua waved carelessly over his shoulder as he slowly began to fade away, voice hanging heavily in the air, "You never know when you'll lose it all."

And then the Composer of Shibuya vanished, leaving a thoroughly bemused Neku Sakuraba with the lone thought that maybe his best friend wasn't such a dick after all.

* * *

_Sorry for the really late update, you guys, but I was kind of hesitant to even post this. I mean, it sucks so badly DX_

_But regardless of my beliefs, I guess I'll leave that choice up to you guys. What do you think? Should I even bother continuing with this? And on another note, did anyone catch that small song reference near the beginning of the second half of this? I love David Bowie |D_


End file.
